


Conversations

by metalshootingstar



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 12:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20796716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalshootingstar/pseuds/metalshootingstar
Summary: Three important conversations, Patrick and David have over the course of their relationship.





	Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to a friend from the Rosebudd Motel for inspiring this fic!

The song fades, and David chuckles as he sighs and finally deflates as he sits down on Patrick's lap. Patrick chuckled as David immediately took off his now very hot leather sweater revealing just a black t-shirt underneath. He immediately began to fold it gently, before pressing it on his lap and Patrick smiled softly as he wrapped his arms around him. God he missed this, missed being in Patrick's arms as those beautiful brown eyes looked up at him with such tenderness and love.

"Maybe we can get dinner now." Said David softly, as he kissed Patrick's forehead.

"Oooh Dinner and a show, quite the olive branch." Said Patrick gently rubbing David's shoulder, making him smile.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that it's just...it felt nice, to have someone want me back so badly that they gave me gifts. No one has ever done that for me before, once I was out of their life...I was out for good. They would move on, to the next best thing and..."David stops talking, and the words are caught in his throat so his lips are left parted as he tries to think of what to say. No better an apology, than to go into his own sordid past. He shook his head and looked at Patrick who was looking at him with those eyes. Eyes full of love and warmth...and understanding. "I was being selfish, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you weren't selfish." Said Patrick, kissing David, and it felt so good and so right. Patrick reached up, his hand gently caressing David's cheek to which the other man leaned in to the touch. "I feel a little bad for those other people though. They have no idea what they missed. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Rachel, I know I should have."

"So why didn't you?" Asked David softly.

"Because...I don't know, I just..." Said Patrick, because honestly he doesn't have a good reason for not telling David about Rachel. Of course he didn't. They had the opportunity at Stevie's apartment, hell he had four months worth of perfect opportunities. Except how was he even supposed to break the news? What was he supposed to say? 'Hey I had a fiance who might or might not come to try and win me back at some point?' And the thing was, Patrick couldn't even be mad at Rachel. She'd done nothing wrong, she had no idea that David even existed up until the day of the barbecue. He was actually pretty sure that if he'd been honest with her from the start, then she wouldn't have come.

Except...that would mean having to own up about a part of him he hadn't known existed until coming here.

Up in Fortierville, it was a different place than Schitt's Creek, and he knew that his friends and his family were good people he was just mortified. Because what could he say? What was he supposed to say? How would they react?

It was like a deep aching pain in his gut, and it made him want to throw up the more he thought about it.

He was glad he understood, glad that he found out a missing part of him that he never knew was gone, glad that he finally knew just what had gone wrong in all those relationships, and yet...a part of him was frightened too. Rachel had understood, Rachel had smiled and hugged him, and she said she loved him and she wanted him to be happy. But what if the next time it's not like that? Fuck what if his parents aren't understanding, what if they don't care and they shun him? What if everyone else did? Immediately his chest grows tight and it's like he can't breathe. Fuck he can't breathe.

Everything is deafening, and he can hear David's voice but it's like he's underwater and his vision is leaving as the edges of his vision fade to black. Fuck he can't breathe, why can't he breathe?

"Patrick, Patrick look-look at me." Said David softly, as he gently cupped Patrick's face and gently lifted his chin. "It's ok, you're ok. We're going to take deep breaths ok? Breathe in? 1-2-3-4-5-6. Breathe out, 1-2-3-4-5-6. In, and out slowly ok? Nice deep calming breaths."

Patrick breathed in and out taking deep shaky breaths.

"That's it, it's ok you're doing so good." Encouraged David, when Patrick placed his hands over David's and held them. "What happened?"

"Nothing...just...thinking."

"Do you want to ta-"

"No! no." Said Patrick and David nodded, he wasn't going to push.

"...I was engaged once too, well almost engaged." Said David softly, making Patrick look up at him.

"Do I need to be worried about them?" Asked Patrick lightly.

"No, um...Julian was my last boyfriend before coming to Schitt's Creek. He was very good looking, and he was dashing and charming and I fell in love with him. Julian however, had something I assume Rachel didn't have besides the obvious. An explosive temper." Said David and Patrick winced as he looked up at David who bit his lip as he removed his hands from Patrick and immediately began to grip the sweater. "I've had partners who've given me 'love taps' before, I've had partners who were very rough during sex, but Julian was different. Um, I don't want to go into any further detail, but he is in jail after...I said no to his proposal and we had an argument. Obviously, Rachel is a far superior person than Julian will ever be, but...I get it. It's hard opening up about your past."

"I'm so sorry." Said Patrick softly, as he held David in his arms. He also made a mental note to himself that he would never ever let anyone else harm David like that again. If Julian ever showed his face here...fuck Patrick would be the one going to jail for murder.

"Maybe we should..be honest with each other from now on. No more secrets is what I'm getting at." Said David softly making Patrick nod as he hugged David close.

"...Before Rachel, I dated I want to say...4? There was Sabrina in sixth grade. We dated for like two weeks before she moved to Seattle. There was Martha in eighth grade for five months, Shelley the summer after eighth grade, then just before Rachel there was Diane who lasted until I left her for Rachel. " Explained Patrick, as David listened.

"There was...way more than four for me. I slept with a lot of people, but no one that I liked or respected or thought was nice." and Patrick chuckles, as David tries to make him laugh in the last part. "I've had lovers who were around for a night, some who only wanted me for my money or my body or drugs, some who were very rough, others who did not respect my boundaries, you're the first person who actually cared about me. Who didn't treat me like some dirty little secret...who cares about me for me."

"Because I do," Said Patrick softly. David sniffed slightly as the tears were pooling now. "I promise, I will never hurt you ever again. "

...

And then Patrick broke that promise.

Because David was hurt. He knew this was hard for Patrick, of course was. Coming out was never easy for anyone, and he knows that Patrick has been through enough in one day. Yet, a part of David wants to know...why hadn't he told? Obviously, everyone is allowed to come out on their own time and on their own terms, but why hadn't he at least told David 'Hey my parents don't know we're dating'...and honestly David can't wrap his head around it. On the one hand, this was Patrick's journey to go through. Just because he was dating him, didn't mean that Patrick had to rush into anything else. Because telling about David meant divulging something that was so hard and personal. He couldn't imagine the stress that he was under. Yet, a small...much more selfish part of him says...but why?

Because David has been countless others' "dirty little secret"

He has been the "other person."

Hell, he's lost count of the wives, girlfriends, husbands, and boyfriends who find out about him and then slap him, even though they should be angry at the person doing the actual cheating. He's lost count of the relationships that end with him finding out he's in an "open relationship", there was one lady who threatened to kill him if he ever came near her husband again...and that's actually not the first time that's happened. Yeah he's gotten death threats over that. People telling him he's disgusting, that he's a homewrecker, that he's a no good whore, that he's garbage.

Nothing good ever comes from being someone's "dirty secret."

But he doesn't say anything, because today is Patrick's birthday. Why ruin that for him? Besides, he's conflicted enough and emotionally drained and exhausted enough as it is without getting into an argument. So he lays there in bed as Patrick gets ready in the bathroom, flipping through the channels when he stops at some weird cartoon oh yeah that one show with the onscreen Lesbian kiss and later wedding, he saw that trending on twitter...well there's nothing else on. There's a pink bubblegum looking girl singing and...fuck this song.

_"-_ _Happily wondering_

_Night after night_

_Is this how it works?_

_Am I doing it right?_

_Happy to listen_

_Happy to stay_

_Happily watching her drift away_

_If keep on turning pages for people who don't care_

_People who don't care about you_

_And still, it takes you ages to see that no one's there_

He bites his lip, looking down and he feels his lower lip tremble as the song resonates deep within his very core. He's spent so long...so very long thinking the same thing with each new relationship. Was this what being a couple was? Just one side giving and giving and the other person took and took and gave nothing back in return? Yet, he stayed...he always stayed because somewhere deep down he believed he could change them. That maybe one day they'd wake up and realize that what they're doing is wrong and love him like people are supposed to love one another but it never works. No one ever realizes that they did wrong...fuck weird pink cartoon character, David totally gets it. He sighed and didn't even notice as Patrick stepped out of the bathroom.

_-And all of her brand new friends_

_Isn't that lovely?_

_Isn't that cool?_

_And isn't that cruel_

_And aren't I a fool to have_

_Happily listened_

_Happily stay_

_Happily watching her drift_

_Drift_

_Drift away_

"David?" Said Patrick softly as he turned off the tv and his boyfriend still just sat there, holding his knees close to his chest. David sniffed, and wiped away his tears as he sighed and looked down.

"Sorry, there was nothing else to watch and the song came on and...fuck." Said David softly, as he sniffed and dried his tears Patrick went over, and gently placed a hand on David's shoulder. "I guess it just...really resonated with me."

"I'm sorry." Said Patrick, and David furrowed his brow as he looked at him. "I should have told them about you, it's just...I was scared."

"I know, it's just...I've spent a long time being someone's 'little secret', maybe they thought I wasn't good enough or maybe they had someone else and I was just the side choice. And...after this? After Rachel? Is that what I am to you? Am I your secret that you've just never told anyone about? I get the parents thing I really do but still." Said David, and he sighs and shakes his head.

"Well what did you want me to do David?" Asked Patrick, a defensiveness to his tone. "I was scared enough as it was earlier with my parents, and with Rachel I froze. I'm sorry that I didn't tell them about you, it's just-"

"Just what? Because everyone in my family knows about you, all my friends know about you-" Said David immediately standing up.

"Oh all your friends? Really? You mean just Stevie because I know you don't have any other friends!" Asked Patrick, and regretting those words as they come out of his mouth. David's mouth hangs open and he shakes his head. "David I didn't-"

"Do you know why I don't have any other friends?! Because none of them gave a shit about me! They only wanted me for my name, my money, for sex. So you're right I only have one friend, and she's the only one who made living in this town bearable before you came along. And you know what? Technically she's an ex so even my exes know about you. But no one can know about me? Are you ashamed of me?" Asked David, who was starting to go onto a full panic.

"Oh come on you know that's not it!" Exclaimed Patrick, "It's just...I haven't told anyone and it's very hard to alright? And you pressuring me right now is not helping anything!"

"I'm not trying to pressure you, I'm trying to understand!" Yelled David,

"Because I was scared alright!? Scared of what Rachel might think or say, scared of what my parents would do, I'm fucking terrified of how my friends and family might react. And you? Acting like this? Is not helping at all. My family are good people, but it's still a scary thing to go through because it's one thing for them to preach acceptance and then another thing to actually have someone you know go through it. And I don't know if they're going to be like my parents and Rachel and accept me or if they'll never want to speak to me again. And...I'm scared alright? I'm just...scared." Said Patrick as he sat on the bed. David sat next to him and wrapped his arms around him., the tension was thick but their heated tempers were immediately going down.

"I'm sorry, I know you were scared...and you have a right to be. It's just, I've been 'the other person' in the relationship before, people who have cheated on their spouses with me treat me like a secret. For obvious reasons, and it never ends well when someone else finds out. I've been slapped, punched, had things thrown at me, and even gotten death threats. So for all I knew, Rachel could have been like that. Don't get me wrong, I know now that she's a nice person who wouldn't hurt a fly but I didn't know that before. I didn't know if she was going to come in and threaten me like all the other hidden fiances my partners have had. Or like with your parents, partners didn't tell them about me because they were ashamed of me, or because I was just a secret fling...and you basically treating me like I'm a secret? Is just only validating everything I already think about myself." Said David, as he looked at him. " That I'm...someone no one will ever love, and I'm just scared you're going to get tired of me."

Patrick looked up at David in shock, and he understood now how it must have looked to David. Why David was so angry, and fuck he had kind of messed up hadn't he. Even so, he looks up at David and holds his hand.

"Why?" Asked Patrick softly.

"Because everyone gets tired of me." Said David. " It kind of says something that the only person who didn't get tired of me, was the abusive asshole. People like me, at least what I can give them, and then they move on to the next best thing. They always do. Like...what if you decide that one day, you want something else...like Ken? What if one day, you wake up and just decide to pack up and leave like you did with Rachel? Because I'm terrified of that."

The two sat there for a long time, coming to terms with each of their issues.

"I'm sorry, coming out is scary and I didn't care about what my family thought and you do because you have a great relationship with yours. And...it's ok, if you need me to be just your business partner around other relatives? I can be just your business partner, I want you to be happy." Said David softly.

"Careful, you'll make me fall in love with you all over again." Teased Patrick slightly making David chuckle. " It's fine though, I just...I think I need time. And it's not because I'm ashamed of you, it's just...hard."

"Take as much time as you need." Said David sincerely.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I should have been honest both times and I promise I will never get tired of you. I think we've firmly established that I don't want Ken, or anyone else...just you. Those assholes like Julian and whoever else...they're idiots who didn't see what they had infront of them. Someone whose selfless, who loves people more than they deserve, who will do anything for the people he cares about, whose beautiful, and who has the biggest heart. Someone who is more than his money, more than his name, more than just someone to have sex with, someone who I want to marry one day even." Said Patrick, and that left David speechless.

"Wait, lets let's back up a little...you want to marry me?" Asked David in confusion.

"Someday I do, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just you...and I don't ever want to leave you." Said Patrick softly, and David smiled at him immediately wrapping his arms around Patrick who gently kissed him. "You make everything ok."

And everything was indeed ok, as a few days later...Patrick proposed to him. Actually proposed, and now David was engaged to the love of his life, to the man who was his partner in business, in life, in love, everything. He smiled at the rings, watching as the lights glinted off the gold and made them sparkle almost. Because he'd never...not once ever considered the fact that he would get engaged. That was for Disney movies and Hallmark greeting cards not...him. Yet, one day he'd walked in and met this guy who changed everything. He laid there admiring his rings, as Patrick was getting ready for bed.

"Something you like Mr. Rose-Brewer?" Teased Patrick slightly.

"Mr. Rose-Brewer? Why is my name first?" Asked David curiously.

"Because it's much easier and rolls off the tongue better. Brewer-Rose is incorrect." He teases, as he gets into bed, and immediately wraps his arms around David who nestles into him and kisses him. The two kiss, and David sighs as he presses his forehead against Patrick's.

"So what comes next?" Asked David softly, "I mean after the wedding."

"We should probably talk about-"

"I don't want kids."

"...Stuff, ok I meant other stuff but ok ripping off the bandaid." Said Patrick lightheartedly.

"Patrick I...I know you probably want them, but I...don't. I know I say I hate babies, and I don't like them but...I don't mind older kids but even then. I...I've seen first hand, bad parenting. Our nursery was in a separate wing of the house, the closest person I ever had to a parent was Adelina who was our nanny and the minute Alexis turned thirteen she was gone. Because at that point my parents decided we didn't need her. So...Alexis, grew up with parents who didn't pay attention to her and a brother who made one mistake after another, and I don't want our kids...growing up like that." Said David candidly, as he looked up at Patrick. "I don't ever want to raise a kid and fuck them up like my parents did with me and Alexis. I don't want to ruin another person's life."

"What makes you think you'll ruin their life?" Asked Patrick softly.

"What makes you think I won't?" Asked David.

"Because, you spent your whole life taking care of Alexis, she wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you. And you are not your parents, you're gonna make mistakes because no one is a perfect parent believe me. Even my parents made mistakes." He replied making David chuckle.

"What mistakes could Marcy and Clint Brewer have made?" Asked David, with a scoff.

"Well, my dad was a real hardass about me not finishing all my food. He literally would not let me leave the table until I finished everything on my plate and sometimes I didn't want to. That was the only real thing he was strict about, and to this day I have a complicated relationship with brussel sprouts. My mom on the other hand, didn't like me staying out after dark. But I wanted to, and she would yell at me when I did. Which I didn't like, but...it needed to happen. Sometimes your kid has to eat his vegetables or learn that he can't play outside in the dark. Yeah maybe in the moment the kid is going to be mad, but he'll forget about it in about five or ten minutes." Said Patrick. "My point is...there is no Parenting Guide, there is no guarantee anyone will be a good parent. David, I think you'd make a great dad someday. "

"I guess...I spent my whole life being afraid of what would happen to Alexis, worrying about her and where she was and...how am I gonna handle it when it's our kid? What if something happens and I can't protect them or help them?" Asked David softly.

"You can't always protect your kids, I mean...look at Alexis for example, things happen. But you can always try, you can always prepare them, and hey...you're not doing it alone. I'll be right here with you, and trust me I will watch those kids like a hawk if it means you don't have to worry at the end of the day." Said Patrick, making David chuckle.

"What if they hate me?" Asked David softly.

"I guarantee you, they're not going to hate you." Said Patrick softly, as he gently placed a hand on David's cheek.

"Can I think about it?" He asked, making Patrick nod.

"Yeah, and whatever you decide...I'm going to support you and stay by your side. I love you." Said Patrick and David smiled softly as they kissed.


End file.
